Why We All Wanted To Be D.B. Cooper

Each suspect felt more convincing than the last.

As I watched the new HBO documentary on the mythical mystery of D.B. Cooper, I wondered why so many would claim to be the only sky pirate to ever elude the omnipotent FBI. Many of the many who confessed did so on their deathbed, instead of telling their children they loved them, or saying sorry to those they had scarred, they used their last words to cement a lie.

It made perfect sense that those who had wasted too many days in front of a TV would foment a bluff of epic proportion to mask their inefficiencies, but it puzzled me that just as many did so right before leaving existence.

Let’s face it, life in the 21st century can be pretty goddamn boring if you stay inside the lines. Mankind has never had more opportunities to become legendary, the problem being, more people than ever have a shot at being the one. With a cosmic mass of humans roaming the streets today, more than the collective of everyone that came before, the world is shrinking to the tune of losing purpose. As we speed toward the theater of the absurd at the pace of a bullet, the days seem shorter, a dollar stretches thinner, and chasing after our dreams seems like a meaningless maneuver.

From the moment we’re born, we come equipped with a void that we spend the rest of our lives trying to…