The Dark Side of Saint Patrick’s Day is the Real American Holiday
The last thing any of us needs, especially in the age of the boring twenties, is a reason to drink.
On the 17th, many will wake up to guarantees. Twenty-somethings across the nation will be hugging porcelain, cops will be brawling, and not one snake(or druid) will be forced out of anywhere but a bar. The average American can’t tell you who won the Civil War, much less what Saint Patrick’s Day is actually about. History isn’t exactly our strong suit, but if there is one thing Americans do right, it’s partying.
Holidays are sacred to the Yankees, and like the band Sublime, we seem to do every cover better than the original. The United States of Diasporas houses more micks than the motherland herself. From the Dead Rabbits to the last President to leave office in a coffin, the presence of the Irish in America is as undeniable as it is remarkable. In the time it took to add the 50th star to the flag, more names seemingly end with an O’ or Mc than there are Smiths or Jones. Along with their cheap labor, saturation of institutions, and music that even they can only listen to hammered, the Irish brought a 17th-century martyr for everyone to call out of work tomorrow.
Saint Patrick’s Day is the most universally celebrated national holiday, and in the States, the pagans have fully reclaimed…
